Epiphone Les Paul Custom – Silverburst – For When 4/4 Time Just Feels... Too Conforming
 
This is not a guitar. This is a summoning tool for people who think melodies are for the weak and 7/8 is just "how breathing should feel." It’s the Epiphone Les Paul Custom in Silverburst, and it’s here to help you alienate your bandmates, your audience, and anyone who thought you were gonna "just play a few covers."
 
You're not interested in fun. You’re interested in ritual. You’ve worn out three copies of Aenima and your ringtone is a tabla solo. You don’t practice scales—you meditate in 5/16 while your girlfriend asks why you're crying again.
 
This guitar gets it.
 
Specs that go harder than your last spiritual awakening in a forest:
 
Mahogany body – thick enough to make your chiropractor nervous.
Ebony fretboard – smoother than that smug look you give people who don’t “understand Tool.”
ProBucker pickups – articulate enough to capture every nuance of your 3-minute intro build-up that goes nowhere.
Silverburst finish – like if chrome had a nightmare.
Multi-ply binding – because you understand detail. The sheeple don’t.
Grover tuners – they hold tuning tighter than your band’s trust fund bassist clutches to 4/4.
Includes a brand new Gator soft case – to protect your tone generator during your next silent retreat.
 
Let’s be clear—this isn't for people who like music. It's for people who analyze it, chart it, and believe Danny Carey should be declared a deity. This guitar will not make you better at playing. It will make you better at judging those who don’t.
 
You won’t write songs with this. You’ll construct audio architecture—sonic temples where only the enlightened may vibe. And if someone dares request “something upbeat,” you’ll look them dead in the eye and play the intro to “The Grudge” until they ascend or leave.
This thing’s in excellent condition, though let’s be honest—you’d still want it if it had blood on it.
 
Includes a brand new Gator soft case, because even transcendent madness deserves safe transport.
 
Buy it. Play it. And remember: real tone can only be achieved once your mind and pedalboard are one.